Monday, August 18, 2008

British Wind Recordings Available For the First time In Don Cheedle!

Hey everybody, it's Soloman Cake, and it’s time to take pregnancy seriously again!

I lost a bag of pre-natal vitamins in the aquarium store…AGAIN! I called them from the pay phone at Larry Bird’s house, but they told me I was a liar and hung up. I really dropped the omelette on that one.

But that’s ok, lighting does strike twice, and if you’re a teamster, it just strikes. I got a couple bags of dog chili from the laundromat, so I guess when one door closes, someone gets a boner. Besides, the American press loves a taco now and then.

Everybody knows that you can get hiccups from a toilet seat. That's why I bring my own place mat to the Applebees in my neighborhood. And remember: just because if looks like pancake batter, doesn't mean you should taste it.

Thanks everybody, I'm Soloman Cake!

Monday, August 4, 2008

The Secret of Tibetan Marbles comes to Extreme Pizza!

Hi Everybody, It's Soloman Cake! Did you know that the United States Postal Service is actually a front organization NASCAR empathizes? It's true, and I've got the over-sized Styrofoam beer cooler to prove it. Wiping your nose and then playing a round of Street Fighter is a a real good way to maximize your tobacco profits, and Shirley Temple has the tits to match!
Oh my god, there goes the king of mop-town, Sade! Never have I seen so many fruit stands and not a whither-ed old white woman to enjoy them.
If you act real non-nonchalant about reciting the bible backwards, it almost seem like you are ordering cake mix from a catalog.

Thanks Everybody, I'm Soloman Cake!

Tuesday, July 29, 2008


Hey everybody, it's Soloman Cake! I'm on the internet right now, but by the time this is published, I won't. That's the most basic principle of the world wide web: No one showers! Wait till you hear this: Tom Hanks loves a sweet game of poker like any other hollywood rascal. How do I know? Tea leaves , and a friend in the diamond business. Hold on to your franks and carrots, it just gets cuddlier from here on! Thanks everybody, I'm Soloman Cake!